“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is the most empirically supported treatment for helping couples recover from distress and strengthen the bond between them. EFT is based on the science of attachment theory, which emphasizes the central role of emotions in motivating us to rely on and seek closeness with our partner, and in signaling whether our partner is accessible, responsive and engaged with us.

Any threat can ignite a sudden response, driving some to protest the disconnection they feel, and others to withdraw from the pain of inadequacy and thwarted connection. If you feel caught in a trap and like your efforts to make everything be okay with your partner only lead to arguments, you are not alone.

How EFT Works.

Through an EFT framework, the way to improve or save your relationship is to identify the steps in the vicious cycle keeping you disconnected, and to learn new responses that will facilitate connection--to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other.

Therapy will facilitate…

  • New ways of hearing each other more clearly

  • Relating to each other more deeply

  • Expressing more accurately what it is you yearn for in your relationship

Your therapist will….

  • Help you uncover what is underneath the raw spots that your partner inadvertently touches and is so befuddled and defensive when you express hurt, that you usually argue and argue and feel even more alone

  • Support you in recognizing and expressing what causes you to feel emotionally safe or unsafe

  • Assist you revisit and forgive old wounds

  • Teach you to identify ways to seek soothing when distressed

At the beginning of therapy…

  • Therapy frequently involves exploring how you and your partner experience and express emotions

  • Treatment may include strategies for deescalating conflict when things overheat

  • You will learn and practice strategies for tuning into each other through mindfulness and validation

  • There is a focus on discovering new ways of being present with one another

EFT can be very powerful and rewarding because when both partners participate, the dance between them changes. 

EBTP and EFT

At Evidence Based Therapy Partners, we recognize that everyone wants to feel accepted, loved, valued, and seen accurately—especially by the people we are most dependent on and connected to. But sometimes, we feel misunderstood, unimportant, like nothing we do is ever right, or we can't count on our partner.

Dr. Marget Thomas is intensively trained in EFT and is committed to helping couples make their way through challenging and disheartening times to find their way back to connection.

 If you think you and your partner may benefit from EFT, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

“We must recognize that we are more than ‘homo sapiens’. We are ‘homo vinculum’ -the one who bonds with others. And these bonds are what will save us. They always have.”

— Dr. Sue Johnson