“To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.”
—Joan Didion
Parenting Difficulties
The parent-child relationship is believed to be one of the most important human bonds, and yet so often parents and children struggle to connect and understand one another.
There are many reasons why this may happen, but it often occurs when a child’s emotions are more sensitive, reactive, and take a while to come down once they’ve been activated. This is referred to as emotion dysregulation, and most people, including the most well-meaning parents, respond to emotion dysregulation with invalidation (this is a fancy term which means the opposite of communicating understanding).
Often the following cycle develops; in response to feeling invalidated, the child gets more dysregulated, and in response to the higher display of dysregualtion, the parent invalidates the child even more. And so and so forth goes the cycle, which eventually leads to a major strain in the parent-child relationship.
Parent’s Experiences
Parents often feel entirely burnt out from this cycle, and children feel that their parents cannot understand them or their emotional experiences. It is hard to parent effectively when you reach this point. It can lead to increased frustration, in addition to possible anxiety, depression, or overall life stress. Also, it can be hard to identify how to approach the problems that are coming up. Many of the struggles we see parents have can be traced back to the impact this cycle has on the child and the parent.
How EBTP Can Help
The approach we take to supporting parents is through teaching them the skills to help break this cycle. Learning how to genuinely validate, set clear limits, and use principles of behaviorism to help shape more effective behavior in their children, are some of the most important skills we address in our parenting classes and consultation sessions.
Resources
Books
by Karyn D. Hall PhD & Melissa Cook LPC
The Triple Bind: Saving Our Teenage Girls from Today's Pressures and Conflicting Expectations
by Stephen Hinshaw Ph.D. & Rachel Kranz
by Ross Greene
by Susan Kaiser Greenland
To learn more the parenting skills classes, parent consultation sessions, or therapy focused on parenting challenges that we offer, please reach out to schedule an appointment and check out our blogs on parenting.
“My biggest parenting conundrum: Why is it so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep?”
—Chrissy Teigen